Season 4, the one where CMoney limps his way to glory

Due to overwhelming pressures, I, your humble author, return to the write-up drivers seat. Though the "the tablet of shame" will be retained (and the text sprinkled through the commentary as available) it's not structured enough to meet the literary needs of our reading public.

That's right, dear reader, I speak now, directly to you.

I like the fact that our tournament results are being 'tweeted.' I like the 'tablet of shame.' However, drunken handwriting is at best unclear, and at worst shamefully curse-laden. Nothing adds near the value as pure, unbiased commentary (as only I can provide.) Besides, given the sheer quantity of dollars I've taken away from you suckas... it's really the least I can do, to give you some bathroom reading material.

Where to begin...

Let's start (as George Lucas did) with Chapter 4.

Tournament 4 might aptly be called the 'Return of Mojo.' After two no-shows, and one piddling 6th place finish, the champion came back into full form, starting the evening with a confidence normally reserved only for the elite and well-hung. In a startling display, Mojo gave Coopzilla a single dollar under the contingency that should Mojo bust him, he'd return it, signed with his own shame. The poker gods, knowing full well that the loss of a single dollar might actually bankrupt a man with three hungry children, decided that not only would he bust Coopzilla, but nearly everyone in the tournament (the only ones NOT busted by Mojo during T4, Jodizzle, CMoney and HumpinHorses...)

Coopzilla made true on his wager, yet defiled the image of our nations first president along with the following signature "For some punk ass bullshit, Coopzilla..." Bullshit indeed, if one doesn't do math that well.

Tournament 5 turned out poorly for me (even the masters get unlucky), but proved without a doubt what I've been saying for 2 years. Jodizzle may eventually be one of the strongest tournament players we have. Her abilities to duck and weave at just the right time made her invisible at just the right spots. While Mini-Muth built up massive stacks in seemingly unbeatable position, she ducked, stayed alive and maintained her stack. With 5 ways to go, she watched a massive chipleader bleed out to only take the bounty on my head, while Motown and CMoney and TheCanuck fought it out to split up Mini Muth's chips.

But when it was time for the end, she started her run, sucking out a Jack on the river to bust our resident suckout master into 3rd, finally sending Motown home with a freaking royal flush.

As we tallied the points for the final match, it became obvious that a global war was brewing for the championship. Odds on favorite was the ever quiet DoctorLove, who's three money finishes were well enough to forget a single penultimate finish. However, the top 4 in the hunt were seperated by a range of less than 200 points. With our current player count, 300 is an average 2nd place finish... a decidedly manageable margin for any folks in the running. With a high-dollar tournament, there were 9 players officially in the running for the championship place. More so, with the 2nd place payout.

So the finale began on a cold January evening. Despite repeated requests for everyone to show up, TheCanuck got slammed with a weeklong flu, which put our turnout to 12 for the evening. Some of the 400+ point discrepancies would require a >$1000 tournament to catch up to the points leader, but the poker gods decided to minimize the number of buyins. We ended with a total prize pool of $660, effectively adding Motown and MiniMuth to the "spoilers club."

The rebuy period was relatively quiet, except from DoctorLove, who seemed decidedly animated on the evening. Apparently, the Doctor's top point position caused a bit of the jitters on the evening, adding to a rather unfortunate bit of "card-deadness." A memorable hand came at the expense of MiniMuth, at my own hands.

During the 75/150 round, I was under the gun (first to act, after the blinds) sitting with with pocket 5s... I hate under the gun play with little pairs, mostly because spending more than the minimum on them just seems like a waste, but I had a few extra chips in front of me, so I thought I'd take the shot and raise. Mini-Muth, two seats away, decided to call and the big blind (CMoney) couldn't fold. The flop came J75 (yay!) CMoney checks to me, and I bet an almost-pot amount. I'd do that with just about any two cards I'd have raised with... (AK, KQ, AJ, KJ, etc..) from that spot, so it seemed like a good 'deception bet.' Mini-muth, suspicious, called with 54 (yup, bottom pair, with a nothing kicker) and CMoney folded. The turn dropped a suicide 4 on the board.

With MiniMuth's flop call, I read him for a pretty wide range of hands... first off, he called the raise preflop, so I didn't expect a garbage hand at all (No K3, or Q6 or anthing), but with the call of the bet on the turn, I had to assume he had at least a piece of the board. He could have had JJ or 77 there, trapping with the flop call. J7 seemed unlikely due to the garbage hands reasons listed above... as would 86, or 63 (both would have made the straight) for a similar reason. I could definitely see him playing a J with a big kicker like that, or even an overpair.

All of this went through my head, but the major bits were... "OK, there are 4 hands (JJ, 77, 86, 63) that beat me, and only two of them are likely holdings... I'm probably MILES ahead here." So, with the intent of looking weak, I checked.

MiniMuth was in a great spot. His hand improved without the board looking like it improved, which is great equity for a deceptive play which is, frankly, his specialty. There were a few options here: 1) he could check, hoping to induce me to bet on the river; 2) he could bet small, hoping to get me to raise; or 3) he could bet huge, hoping I'd smell bullshit. He went for option 3, which, given the read, was probably the best of the lot. Here's why: If I had something like QJ, I could probably let it go to the big bet, but KJ or AJ would have been a tough laydown, but if I had an overpair like QQ or KK there, I'd almost surely make that call. If I had AK or AQ, well, fine, it's a mistaken overbet that I can't call, but then he wins the pot anyway.

I just happened to have the set, and he happened to be drawing dead.

After the rebuy, the cool winds of suckout started blowing. In a terrible display, Minimuth busted Motown with lucky runner catch. MiniMuth had Aces in early position, and preflop played them deceptively, flat-calling Motowns mid position raise. The flop came KQ7, giving Motown two pair (Ks and Qs), and in a display that only makes me shake my head, Minimuth and Motown got into a raising war, eventually getting Motown all in. In a brutal running twist, the turn brought a J, and the river a T, giving MiniMuth the broadway straight, and giving Motown the pleasure of being the first one busted.

SunshinesBitch was the next to go after a series of hands kept bleeding off his chips. Eventually, he was up against CMoney on a KT8 flop, with CMoney having 96 offsuit (why not? it dominates the Birthday hand). On the flop, he was a good favorite with K3, but didn't bet it strong enough to get CMoney off his gutshot straight draw. The turn brought the 7, and CMoney had caught the gutshot. SunshinesBitch decided to make his stand, and bet big. CMoney, natually assumed that SunshinesBitch just caught with J9 (a significantly more reasonable holding than 96, but I digress) but the assumption wasn't enough to discourage the call. Sunshine's Bitch, who was in 2nd points position, busts out 11th. This significantly increased the championship equity of DoctorLove, Jodizzle, Coopzilla, CMoney, and HumpinHorses.

StillNotFat, who won the 22 bonus, was brought to the 'bust 'em' table long enough to last the 10 hands required before the tables joined after the next bust. Given that the 3 points leaders were all at that main table, our games lagged a bit as we all encouraged loose calls against the points leaders, who all seemed to be in the throws of small-stackedness. Eventually it was Coopzilla, who busted DoctorLove, flopping a straight with T7, beating DoctorLove's two pair.

Now, with the leader out, only Jodizzle, Coopzilla, CMoney, and HumpinHorses had top spot potential. Jodizzle needed a minimum of 5th place to take it down (as long as Coopzilla or CMoney didn't place higher.) However, the 6th hand at the joined table proved to be pivotal. Both Meatsock and Diceman had precariously small stacks, and were in desperate need of a double-up (or more.) But when small stacks can go all in with < 3500 chips in the 400/800 round, they're gonna get called, and CMoney's AT caught an Ace on the river, which proved to be enough. I call this hand pivotal, not because it was overly interesting, but because it was at this moment, that one of our newest members was pushed out of the running for the championship. He could take second with low placings, but no better. Better luck next time, Kiwi.

MiniMuth had quietly began draining his chips away, when he needed to make his last stand. In what proved to be a pattern for the remainder of the evening, Jodizzle min-raised to $2000 preflop under the gun (wisdom dictates against this, but women are logically impaired, so don't bother 'splainin it.) Mojo, with a suited QJ, saw the bounty money sitting over by her, and decided to make a loose call, when out of the blue MiniMuth pushed his remaining stack in the middle of the pot. All folded to Jodizzle. His push was 1/3rd of her stack, but given I was behind her (and she had to assume I'd push if she did not) she made a painful laydown of AQo. Now things were interesting.

MiniMuth had pushed in about $7,000 in chips, which was a raise of $5000 on top of Jodizzle's raise. With the blinds in (and my loose call already in the pot), we had a grand total of $7,500 (+ his raise of $5000) in the pot already. In order to call correctly, I'd need to have better than a 2.5 - 1 (12.5K / 5K) chance of winning.

I can honestly say, I didn't think I had those numbers. I figured myself at probably a 20% chance of winning (aka, a 4-1). He had a good chance of having me dominated with AQ, AJ, KQ, KJ, or even crushed with QQ or JJ. If he had a pair below Ts, I was a coinflip, but that was the only position I could see myself as potentially an equal.

From a technical standpoint, it was a poor call, but stacksize weakness overtook my odds calculation. $5000 wasn't enough of my stack to significantly impact me one way or another, so the chance to get closer to the money, as well as pick up ~$20K if I won made the call easier for me to make. Granted, I got lucky to win, and it wasn't an "odds are right to do this" call, but I made it, and caught a lucky J on the river to win it.

With 6 players, the action slowed a bit. Coopzilla made the claim that he would just "sit it out and wait" but that lasted as long as we can expect it too. Mainly, it became a "stack building" excersize for the larger stacks at the table, while the smaller stacks maneuvered waiting for hands.

Finally, it was (who'd have guessed) Coopzilla who created the action enough to cause some havoc. Mojo and Humpin had spend most of the round raising enough to steal blinds, and Mojo had been particular about stealing from Coopzilla. While on the button, Mojo raised with 97s, attempting to steal another quick $2100 in the 700/1400 round by raising to $3000. HumpinHorses bowed out, and Coopzilla looked down at a dwindling stack (near $9K) and made the call.

The flop came Q74. With little hesitation, Coopzilla said 'All in' and placed his remaining $6K and change out there. I had to think...

Mojo's Brain: "Goddamn it. Why the hell do I raise with this shit. 97s. Damn it, of course there's only 1 spade. Why couldn't there be two spades? This would be easier with a flush draw. Fucking hell. Coop's grinning... "

Mojo's Mouth: "Ugh. Do you have a good hand Coop? Do you like your hand?"

Coop's Mouth: "" (Grinning in an "I ain't sayin' shit" sort of way.)

Mojo's Brain: "Man, can I be good here? No way... he's got to have at least the 9 beat. No way he's got a queen."

Mojo's Mouth: "Do you want me to call, man?"

Coop's Mouth: "Ha ha man... do what you want."

Mojo's Brain: "Does he bluff? Sometimes he bluffs... god I hope he bluffs."

Mojo's Mouth: "I can't be ahead, but I call."

Coop's Mouth: "Shit... I ain't got shit."

Mojo's Brain: "Ha-doo-ken!"

Coopzilla put out the bet with A6o, and my pair of sevens held up. With Coopzilla's 6th place finish, the championship was down to CMoney and Jodizzle. Better luck next season, Sagat.

To win the championship, Jodizzle needed to either 1) place 3rd or better or 2) have CMoney bust below her.

Five way action remained as it had before. Seasoned players did what they could to steal blinds away, but it proved to be too much for StillNotFat. Faced with the first Ace he'd seen in at least two-dozen hands, he made his stand with A4, and was up against Humpin's dominating AQ. StillNotFat survived to a 5th place finish, and finished season 4 in one of his strongest finishes ever. Over the course of this Season, he took down $290.00 in tournament winnings and won his first tournament. He's earned a great pat on the back.

For 3 full rounds, the tension between the four players were thick. We hadn't made the calculations fully, but we knew Jodizzle and CMoney were both in it, and playing againt the clock with 1000/2000 blinds was not easy.

CMoney was the small stack at the table, and slated to be the first guy out the door. On the button, he caught a miracle AhKc hand, he thought might get him enough blinds to last a few more rounds, when Jodizzle woke up with AA in the small blind, repushing. I folded immediately (I had like a 9 something.)

Cursing his luck, CMoney stared down at her Aces. I silently cursed, as if she busted him, the bounty would become more difficult to win from her, but then CMoney dealt out the board. The flop came all hearts, and they just kept coming. The flush on the board wasn't enough, as CMoney had the Ace of hearts, and Jodizzle ended with the short side of the stack, ending up with less than a full blind to play with, and a WORLD of curses. The next hand, Humpin flat called under the gun, expecting Jodizzle to push her remaining bits in. She did so, and I checked away my blind option (I had 62o, I felt lucky to get to see a flop with it.)

The board came tiny, and Humpin and Mojo checked it to the Turn which brought a second 2 on the board. Mojo bet the minimum required, nonverbally stating 'I got this.' HumpinHorses folded and Mojo's trip 2s were enough to bust Jodizzle for the bounty. Jodizzle, out fourth, now had only one chance for the championship. CMoney had to bust 3rd. Any better, and he'd win it all.

Unfortunately, Mojo started getting the crap cards, and HumpinHorses started getting tired, saying "All In" instead of betting / calling / raising. After seeing T7 for the third time, Mojo pushed, and hoped for a fold, but alas didn't get it, as Humpin decided to call with Q8. Mojo flopped a 7, but the turn Q sealed the deal, and Mojo was out 3rd.

Without realizing it, CMoney had become the champion. Silently, the 5th place contender had just folded his way to the league of extraordinary gentlemen. (AKA, Coopzilla, Mojo, and Minimuth, prior champions.)

Heads up, there aren't a lot better than CMoney. But HumpinHorses easily had a 5x chip advantage, and the blinds were raising (a factor that always favors the large stack.) For a while, it was a ticky-tack match, one which barely saw any flops at all, when finally the blinds went up to the highest we've ever seen them go. The 5000/10000 round.

The 5000/10000 round is effectively the "get it done" round. When we started, the 5K/10K round was the round at the end of the 5th playing hour, which, with breaks included, would put it near 1AM. Our recent change to 15-minute post-rebuy rounds made it a little less late, but no less grueling. 2 hands went by before CMoney made his stand with 44, pushing all in preflop. HumpinHorses took his time before making a brave call with K7.

The coin flipped Humpin's way, and the Kiwi, who's won 2 two tournaments proved to end 35 points behind the champion, and 14 points behind second place! (Kinda sick really... but it goes to show, EVERY tournament counts.)

Congratulations need to go to everyone here. This is one of the first seasons we had where absolutely nobody got skunked in terms of dollars (although, some just barely.) That's really been the drive from the get go... to make the game a lot more fun by "spreading the $$ love" around a bit. Thanks to Jodizzle and CMoney for hosting another season. I look forward to Feburary 18th... for the next great Season!

Final notes to all:

CMoney -> You don't get to whine about not winning anymore. Best just step up the play, sucka.

Jodizzle -> Your boyfriend sucks. Sorry about the beat.

Kattaclysm -> We miss you dude. We need your money.

Motown -> What happened man, didn't you used to win from time to time?

Coopzilla -> Despite our current championship standings, I'll always think of you as "Mr Second Place."

DoctorLove -> Might get a relaxing massage before the next one man. Gotta take that edge off before you play.

SunshinesBitch -> Unlucky man... Season 5 will be your time.

TheCanuck -> Rough to get sick right before you could have beaten up on CMoney.

StillNotFat -> Congratulations again, man. But Season 5 is a whole new game...

Mini-Muth -> Pwnd. Just that, man... Pwnd.

Meatsock -> I know you're busy man, but could you at least skim the books :)

Dice Man -> I expect great things from you in Season 5.

HumpinHorses -> Watch out man. We comin' for you.

Till Feb...