If you were a Street Fighter II Character

We've all played together for a while now, and I've taken the liberty of doing up this quick list, comparing our revolver comrades to those World Warriors in Street Fighter II. If you're not familiar with the game, well, you've been in a hole for the past 15 years. Look it up.

So here's the comparisons I've noticed. Feel free to comment.

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CMoney = Balrog.

Balrog was the first boss character in Street Fighter II, a tough Mike Tyson look alike, who you got to play immediately after beating all the "standard" guys. Pretty much a boxer type, with no kicks, but a whole lot of ways to punch you to death.

Reason for the Matchup:
Yes, we all have to admit that CMoney is a pretty good poker player, but he's pretty much the "wussy" boss character. Anyone who could beat the standard eight world warriors could easily beat Balrog, and we all can pretty easily beat CMoney. Hence, he's our first poster boy... good enough to be a boss character, but not a hard one to beat.

Runner up character:
Ryu. Mojo is Ken, the manlier and more badass of the two "twin characters," and CMoney is always trying to catch up to Mojo. Hence, Ryu.

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Coopzilla = Sagat.

Sagat is the second to last boss character. Tall and with far-reaching moves, Sagat can easily dominate a player until he's on his last quarter.

Reason for the Matchup:
First off, Coop is easily the tallest of the lot of us, and has the greatest reach out of all of us. Sagat is pretty much the exact same. The only way to avoid him, is to stay on the other side of the screen. Also, playing against Sagat is one of the most frustrating experiences a SFII player can experience. He has so few moves, and so little originality, that it confounds us how he wins. So is Coopzilla... with his seemingly magical poker abilities, the best of us are left perplexed with a "how the hell did that happen?" look on our face as he busts us out of the tournament.

Runner up character:
Bison. If only due to his early persistant domination of the leaderboards.

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DoctorLove = Dhalsim.

Dhalsim. The "Yoga Master" warrior. Somehow able to 1) breath fire and 2) extend his limbs to extreme lengths and club you over the head with 'em.

Reason for the Matchup:
DoctorLove is the mystery character. The one "not like the others", far out there and unreadable. Dhalsim has a hard time winning the tournament (as does the love doctor), but you get an odd sense of calm from him, either way. Dhalsim uses the power of meditation, and DoctorLove is probably stoned alot.

Runner up character:
Balrog. DoctorLove is stronger than you can immediately see. If you're not careful, he'll knock your head off.

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Jodizzle = Vega

Vega is the second boss character. From Spain, he's the "handsome warrior" who wears a mask to protect his face, and a claw on his arm, to fuck your shit up.

Reason for the Matchup:
Fast, quick attacks pretty much make up Vega's move list, and 'Dizzle is always right there smacking people around. Always with those little light stabs that basically drain you of all sense and reason. Also, Vega is the character after Balrog. Which means he's better than Balrog... Since she ALWAYS does better than CMoney, this just seems appropriate.

Runner up character:
Chunli. Speed, agility, and the fact that she's an asian chick.

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Kattaclysm = Guile

Guile, the all-american hero. A warrior in the US Army, he's got a fireball and more defensive moves than you can count.

Reason for the matchup:
Guile is pretty well the defensive-est player in the game. One attacking move (the fireball) is all he's got, and that pretty well describes Kyle to a tee. Guile, and Kyle, will lay in the weeds, the whole game, waiting to do that one damn kick move.

Runner up character:
Blanka. Secondary most defensive character in the game, but Blanka could never take a first place finish... and Kyle did.

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Manwhore = Ryu

Ryu, the less manly and more wussy Ken clone, is always in the fight.

Reason for the matchup:
Every tournament, Manwhore is in it, and lasts a good long time. Strong player = strong SFII player. He's not as good as Ken, and can only win if Ken is out... but all told, a solid strong player.

Runner up character:
E. Honda. Strong chops come close, but Manwhore is just too good to be the character that nobody plays on purpose.

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Mini-Muth = M. Bison

M. Bison, the last boss player in the game. Not the strongest character (anyone can beat him), but certainly the player that thinks he's the strongest.

Reason for the matchup:
Bison's the last character, who eventually everyone has to face. He's certainly beatable, but with moves like the Psycho Crusher, and the head stomp, you've gotta be ready. Mini-Muth is exactly like that... beatable, but be ready.

Runner up character:
Ken. Mini-Muth is strong, but not quite as absolutely strong as Ken.

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Mojo = Ken.

Ken is the American Ninja. Long blond white person locks, and all Ryu's moves, only stronger. If Ryu is a Toyota Tacoma, Ken is the F-250. American and Better.

Reason for the matchup:
Ken's the strongest regular fighter out there. A move list that's balanced, yet aggressive, he's always the one to beat. Mojo fits that description exactly... he's aggressive, tons of moves that give him an edge, devistatingly handsome, pretty well the whole winning package.

Runner up character:
Sagat. Mojo doesn't have the whole "daze them with incomprehensible play" that Coop does, but he's got it pretty close.

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Motown = Chunli.

Chunli, a seriously pissed off asian chick, who will bounce all over the place to put her boot in your head.

Reason for the matchup:
Simply put, the player who wins the "most irritating" award has to be Chunli, and who else is more irritating than Motown. Motown is the ticky-tack king, and Chunli is the queen. Slapping you around with the fastest kicks and smacks upside your head, Motown will amaze you with his ability to rain dozens of blows on your head before you take him out, in one shot.

Runner up character:
Vega. Vega seems more girly than Motown ever would be. Motown is representing Detroit, and Vega could probably represent, well, San Francisco?

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StillNotFat = E. Honda

E. Honda, the sumo warrior, with the hundred-hand slap, and the torpedo.

Reason for the matchup:
No matter what the difficulty setting (easy, medium or hard), E. Honda is always the 3rd player you have to beat up. That's because he's really only got a few moves, and the only difference between him on "easy" and him on "hard" is how fast he responds. That's StillNotFat to a tee. He's a solid warrior, but slow, and just always one move behind you.

Runner up character:
Guile. Well known for his defensive prowess, StillNotFat doesn't quite have the defensive staying power as Kattaclym does.

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SunshinesBitch = Zangeif

Large, Russian wrestler. Stay out of his way. Spinning piledriver takes away half your life.

Reason for the matchup:
First off, Zangeif went to Ohio State (the 'roids sort of prove it.) Secondly, Zangeif is one of those players that you have to be REALLY GOOD to play with. And thirdly, even if you're REALLY GOOD, and you play Zangief REALLY WELL, he still sucks.

Runner up character:

Dhalsim. SunshinesBitch definitely has this calming "auto-call" capability that can put you to sleep, very meditatively. But he can't breathe fire.

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TheCanuck = Blanka

Blanka, a mysterious freak of nature, somehow in the Amazon, but radioactive in some damn way that makes him capable of producing a powerful electric charge.

Reason for the matchup:
Blanka is the happy puppy of the eight world warriors. He probably won't win, and realistically, he's just happy to be in the thick of things. Watch out for the electric charge, as all Canadians have said charge as well.

Runner up character:
Zangeif. If Zangief was a little more jolly, he'd be all there.

See y'all in the final tournament!